In my last resident blog post, I wrote about cultivating resilience amidst the rigors of residency training. Even as a newly-minted third-year resident, this remains a moving target. In light of recent worldwide events, I have been wrestling with managing my brain’s negativity bias when confronted with the deluge of upsetting headlines, social media posts, and topics of conversation. When there is so much to fight against and to be upset about, where does happiness fit in?
What I came to realize is that appreciating moments of joy does not invalidate, but rather fortifies, my commitment to advancing social justice and public health causes. There is a role for honoring happy occasions alongside unpacking solemn issues. With this in mind, I would like to share a small moment of joy that has given me much peace in recent weeks.
Going to the (Duke) Chapel of Love
On June 20, 2020, my partner and I were married on the grounds outside of the Duke University Chapel. Like many couples scheduled to head down the aisle this year, our big day happened much differently than we had envisioned. The 150-plus wedding guest list was pared down to single digits to comply with group gathering rules in North Carolina. Those in attendance were stationed at least 6 feet apart in accordance with social-distancing principles. Spotify served as the DJ, and our parents and loved ones watched the ceremony via Zoom on an iPad precariously propped on top of a Yeti cooler.
In many ways, the day came together more beautifully than we could have hoped. Serendipitously, one of my co-residents was able to act as our officiant; she came with an officiant résumé consisting of three other weddings in locations ranging from the mountains in Asheville to the booths of a Cold Stone Creamery.
My classmates gifted me a lovely bridal bouquet and sent their regards alongside bottles of celebratory champagne. My mother proudly showed us a wedding sign she had put together using a letter board, and my father―looking dapper in a tuxedo t-shirt he had been saving for years for just the right occasion―tried to hand me a tissue through the iPad screen when he saw me tearing up during my vows.
We drank MilkLab bubble tea for our post-ceremony toast, stuffed our bellies with nearly 200 steamed dumplings from Sister Liu’s Kitchen, and devoured a homemade key lime and roasted strawberry cake topped with swiss meringue buttercream that one of our guests made as a surprise. Best of all, everyone was in bed by 11 p.m. What more could we have asked for?
Savor the Positive Moments
Of course, life must go on, but I revisit that glorious day in my mind often: the trembling of my hands in his as I recited my vows, the jubilant cheers from our guests ringing in my ears when we were pronounced “husband and wife,” the smell of the North Carolina summer rain when it finally came pouring down in midst of our post-wedding run. These sensations are balms for my mind, body, and soul and help me persevere in the face of ongoing fear, uncertainty, and injustice.
Fully engaging with moments of positivity, happy thoughts, and pleasant emotions can address the imbalance created by negativity bias. Building up stores of positive mental imagery and feelings can counteract the positivity-negativity asymmetry that many of us experience right now. I used to think the old adage “stop and smell the roses” was about losing yourself in the present and forgetting everything else. In actuality, it is about using those moments of gratitude to sustain you for the long journey ahead.
Linh Nguyen is a third-year resident with the Duke Family Medicine Residency Program. Email linh.n.nguyen@duke.edu with questions.
Editor’s note: Duke Family Medicine residents guest blog every month. Blogs represent the opinion of the author, not the Duke Family Medicine Residency Program, the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health, or Duke University.